Who notices the little things?

I live in a really big house. In this really big house live many women. Where ever your mind just went, it’s not like that at all, it actually runs very smoothly and we all love each other very much.

We all have our areas of responsibility and we work well together. One of our sweet gals is in charge of our laundry room. She’s awesome! She works hard to keep it clean, supplied and monitored. She asks very little of us in return. Her only request is that we wipe down the machines after we use them.

I’ve noticed lately, not that I’m monitoring the laundry room, but I can’t help but notice that many of the gals don’t do that one thing that’s asked of them. Now I have to admit, the first time she told me I hadn’t done it, and took me into the laundry room to show me what she expected, I thought; “That’s crazy! You don’t have to wipe each machine, inside and out, every time you use it! Talk about overkill!”

But then I noticed that every time I go into the laundry room, it’s spotless. There is always laundry soap ready for my use, the bleach bottle is always full, and she even provides a clean cloth each day and a bottle of cleaning solution is always available for wiping down the washers and dryers after each use.

If you’ve ever been in a position where you’ve had to use a Laundromat you know how much I value what she does for me every day, and all she asks in return is that I honor her one request to wipe down each machine after I use it. Now that I see more of the picture I think that’s reasonable and so I’ve been very frustrated as I notice others not showing her respect by doing this simple thing she asks of us. And if I notice, I’m sure she does, and it has to make her feel a little less than loved and respected. I’ve actually begun to hurt for her and found myself going behind others and wiping down their machines so she won’t know they let her down.

I can’t say I’ve felt superior to all of “them” that aren’t doing this simple task, but maybe I’m just more mature, or sensitive, eh? And that’s when I get nailed! It’s always when you begin to think you are the only one that the Lord comes along and shows you something He’s noticed about you, if you’re willing to see it.

Suddenly He caused me to remember one evening when one of the other gals was washing the load of kitchen towels after dinner. She was in the laundry room looking into the washer with a troubled look. “What’s up?” I asked her as I passed by.

She said; “Look at this, it looks like there are too many towels in here for one load.” I looked and sure enough it did look a little too full, like it needed more water. She said she thought she should take some out and do them in another load because our laundry gal doesn’t like the washers to be overfilled. And I said; are you ready? Here it comes, I said; “It’s ok, she’s gone to bed, she’ll never know.”

“And what makes that less disrespectful than not washing down the machines after each use?” the Lord asked me? “It’s the little things I’m watching, when you can obey Me in the little things then I know I can trust you with more.”

Clinging to the rock

I’ve been spending a lot of time in the book of Hosea this week.  Like all of the Bible, it’s actually a pretty incredible book.  A couple of things that God has spoken to me are from Chapter 11:1-4 and Chapter 14:9.

In Chapter 11 You speak of Your love for Israel, and it also speaks of Your love for me.  You tell me how You continued to love me, even in my disobedience You were there all along, drawing me, providing for me and watching me.  Then the very last thing You say in Hosea is that Your ways are right.  Why did it take me so very long to get this?  Like a stubborn child that doesn’t obey their parent, I’ve stumbled through life without listening to You, all the time knowing You were there. 

While I was reading I had a CD playing in the background. One of my favorite songs, “His Eye is on the Sparrow,” came on and I found myself seeing a different picture than I ever have before.  Yes, Your eye is always on me, but as You watch me are You shaking Your head as You see me run to and fro, trying to find the way that pleases You, or sometimes pleases me?  Or are You watching me cling to Your leg as a child would a parent, not wanting to get even one step away from You.

It makes me smile, just to imagine Your smile as You glance down and see me there clinging to You.

Standing up on the Inside!

There’s a very popular scripture, we’ve all heard it, it says; If you train up a child in the way he should go, that when he is old he will not depart from it.

Many claim it as a promise, thinking it means that if you constantly tell a child he should love God and that God is always watching, and if you take that child to church every Sunday, you are guaranteed that child will grow up to be a Christian.  I’ve heard many heartbroken mothers claim that promise when praying for their wayward son or daughter.  “God, You promised that if I raised him to love You that he will come back to You some day.”  But is that really what it says?

If it’s true that we will carry what we’ve been taught from childhood into adulthood, then I needed to give some thought to what I was taught as a child.

My father was a tough taskmaster.  I did everything he required of me, not because I loved him and wanted to please him but because I feared his wrath if I didn’t.  I knew what his expectations were and made every effort to appear on the outside like I was doing what he wished.  But on the inside there was no joy, I was filled with grumbling and a sense that I was being treated unfairly, my needs and wishes were unimportant.

There’s a story I heard about a little boy that is told to sit down.  “No!” he says he doesn’t want to.  He’s told again to sit down and again says No!  Finally it is demanded that he sit and his response as he sits is; “OK, I may be sitting on the outside, but on the inside I’m standing!” 

That was a perfect picture of me, my relationship with my father, and the practiced habits I brought into my relationship with God.  I said I loved Him, but then I would do what was right in my eyes.  I said I wanted to serve Him, but then I decided what that service would look like.  On the outside I looked like the good little girl, or the good christian woman, but on the inside I was confused, hurt and felt unappreciated for all my good works.

It’s only been recently, after hitting that brick wall for the thousanth time that I’ve begun to listen and have realized that what I was doing in my relationship with God was exactly how I had been trained up as a child.  God was patiently waiting for me to reach the point where I would say; “I don’t care what it is You want from me, I just want to be where You want me.”

It was only then that He showed me that all He requires of me is my love and obedience.  I know that sounds simple but He showed me that throughout my entire christian life I have been “standing up on the inside.”  He looks for hearts that are broken and will wait on Him and trust in His ways for them.

I’m blessed to have an opportunity to sit at His feet and learn of Him and that is just what I’m doing.  He shows me new things about Himself and our relationship every day.  The more I get to know Him the more I realize He is what I have been looking for all my life.  He is the reason that nothing else could satisfy and I know His plans for me will be perfect.

It was a long road to reach this place.  Much of it had to do with the stubborness of my heart, but as a child I learned my lessons well.

Raise up a child in the way he should go… let your child see you loving God, let him hear you pray, and let her watch you trusting Him to direct your path, that is the child that when they grow they will be doing the same.

Same Life ~ New Relationship

Last night, as I was falling asleep, my Love gave me a picture of my life now, with Him, compared to everything before now.

Before; I was standing at the entrance to Disneyland.  I had a map and I was frantically trying to plan out where I should go first, and then from there where should I go so that I would be sure to see it all and not miss anything.  I was very burdened with the responsibility and fearful of not doing it “right.”  At times I was frozen because I didn’t know which direction was the best one to go in, and at other times I ran in the direction I thought made the most sense to me.

I didn’t really enjoy any of it and always felt like I was missing, or would miss, something.  That’s actually a pretty acurate picture of my life up until now.

But NOW!  Now I am at the entrance to Disneyland, excited, happy and filled with joy.  I put my hand in Yours and wait, knowing You will lead me on an excellent adventure.  It doesn’t matter where we go first, I know it will be perfect.  I can hardly wait to see where the next step takes us, but that anticipation in no way takes away from the joy I find right here, right now in this moment that is ours.

What a difference there is between running ahead of You and walking with You!

True Love has come!

Evidently changing my facebook status from “Married” to “In a Relationship” has raised a few eyebrows.  I didn’t think anyone even noticed those things, but the responses I got proved me wrong.

Bob and I are no longer together. He decided, on his own, that he was done with us and had more important things to do with his time, and our money.  Evidently, according to him, I shouldn’t think that unusual or odd behavior on his part.

I came home, (back toOregon) broken and confused.  I’ve been home for a little over a month and in that time he’s called informing me that we need to get a divorce.  So there you have it, now you know everything I know about what happened between Bob and I.

But something very unexpected has happened since I’ve been home.  Yes, I am in a relationship, one so wonderful that I’m ready to move on and not look back.  It’s someone I met years ago actually. I’ve run into him several times over the years, and every time I’ve seen him I’ve known we were meant to be together. But there’s always been someone or something in the way, and so it seemed the time was never right for us.

Well, last Wednesday, May 17^th (I’ll remember the date forever) I ran into a mutual friend of ours, his name is Hosea.  And while Hosea and I were visiting, who should walk over but the man of my dreams.  I didn’t even know he was there with Hosea.

Somehow he just knew that the time was right, but that is one of the things I love so much about him, he always seems to know these things.  He was available, I was willing and finally the time was right and we fell into each other’s arms.

 Wild horses couldn’t pull us apart, we spend all of our time together now, I can’t believe I lived so much of my life without him.  He is my one true love.

Just to give you an idea of how perfect he is, let me share with you what he said to me when I saw him with Hosea last Wednesday.  No beating around the bush, just his perfect declaration of love for me;

“I will betroth you to Me forever; Yes, I will betroth you to Me.  In righteousness and justice, In lovingkindness and mercy; I will betroth you to Me in faithfulness, And you shall know Me.”      Hosea 2:19, 20

So you see, I am in a relationship.  One I’ve been offered many times, but never taken seriously enough.  He won’t betray me suddenly or shut me out and not let me know Him.  And He’s promised it’s forever.  Although I’ve heard that before, from Him I think I can believe it.

I’ve got it all planned out, says God

Sorry to all of our faithful followers, it’s been a while since we’ve updated.  So much has been happening… let me catch you up.

We finally found a car to buy.  The dilemma was car or trike, and if car shouldn’t it be a convertible? Well, our practical side finally won, either that or God was in control once again and over rode our silliness, but we ended up with a very reliable toyota. Good gas mileage and they run forever, or almost forever.

If you’ve been following our adventures you know that our little shark (RV) is proving to be inadequate for this current lifestyle. So while we were checking ads for a vehicle, Bob popped over to the RV section to check out prices and what was available.  He saw something that seemed like it would be much more compatible with our needs and wanted to go look at it. All the way there, in our “new to us” car that we had just bought that I’m still suffering buyers remorse over, I’m thinking; “this is such a waste of time, we’re not ready to buy something else yet!”

We got there and it was pouring rain, another reason we shouldn’t be looking at an RV today. Bob had seen pictures online but I hadn’t. When I saw it I was very underwhelmed, it wasn’t beautiful, but it wasn’t completely ugly either. It just looked very wet to me.

We met the couple that was selling it and all I can say is “When Harry Met Sally.” If you love that movie like I do you know what I’m talking about.  This couple could have, no should have been one of the cute couples in the movie that have been married forever and talk over each other, finishing each other’s sentences.  I loved them immediately.

As we trekked across their back yard, through the wind, cold and rain I thought again; “We’re not ready to buy anything.” But something very unexpected happened when we stepped inside.  We closed the door, and even though windows were cracked for fresh air, it was so warm and cozy I felt like I was being hugged.

Needless to say we walked away with a receipt for the deposit on our new home.

We’re currently staying in Mentone at a friend’s home. She’s undergoing medical treatment and we’re here to support her as needed. Bob is getting our little shark ready to sell and we’re looking forward to taking posession of our yet unnamed Ark.

What is TRUTH?

Lately I’ve been talking to many interesting people, not the “core group” of like-minded friends we tend to surround ourselves with, but folks from differing backgrounds who have formed their own opinions as to what this whole life experience is all about.

One thing I’ve noticed we have in common is we all stand firm on what we’ve concluded to be the truth about God and what we believe about Him.  It’s been rather unnerving to discover there are so many different conclusions arrived at. As a seeker of truth, I’ve been forced to revisit my beliefs and remember how I arrived there.

I was attending a small church at the time and I couldn’t get enough of God. Every time the doors were open, I was there. But it still didn’t seem like enough so I was thrilled  when a couple of ladies in the church invited me to join them in a bible study.  We soon realized that all three of us felt that there was something missing in our walk with Jesus, we couldn’t put our finger on it, but it seemed like there were miracles and power promised in the bible that we weren’t experiencing. Our Pastor would stand before us saying “with Jesus all things are possible” while he and many others in our body were living defeated lives.

The next thing I knew these two gals were joy filled and claiming they’d found what was missing at another church in a neighboring town. They definitely had my attention as their lives began to change for the better. Long standing prayers for a job, a car and restored relationship seemed to be being answered, they were just giddy with all God was doing for them and I really was tempted when they invited me to come with them and get blessed.

But although everything seemed swell I was very uncomfortable with some of their other claims, such  as; God doesn’t ever want you to be sick, you can demand that illness flee from you, and it’s God’s will that we all prosper abundantly in the area of finances. While liking the sound of these claims I could think of too many scriptures that contradicted these Pentecostal teachings.

As I watched their lives continue to improve I was envious of their joy. I became a soul in torment as I struggled with what to believe. Finally I could stand it no longer, if God could show me that what they believed was true, I wanted to embrace it.

I shut myself in, locked the door, turned off the phone and the television and asked God; “What is Your truth?” I certainly wasn’t expecting the answer He gave me. I immediately felt Him ask me; “Would  you be willing to be in a wheelchair for the rest of your life for for Me?”

I was shocked as I remembered being about 8 or 9 years old, we had moved to a new neighborhood and I became friends with a boy about my age that lived down the street. His mother would wheel him out to the front yard to get some afternoon sunshine. I remembered thinking that it had to be the hardest thing in the world, as I stopped playing to visit him, to be confined to a wheelchair… and now here God was asking me if I would do that for Him!

I cried, shouted, tried to reason with, negotiated and everything else I could think of over the next three days. I poured over the scriptures and tried to make a case for being in control of my own destiny. But God was speaking to my heart, and what He continued to confirm is that the truth is; He  is God, He is perfect, and the only relationship He wants with me is for me to hand Him a blank piece of paper and let Him write the script of my life. And He’s asking me if He writes ‘be in a wheelchair’ am I willing?

I cried for hours as I thought of how life would change for me if I were confined to a wheelchair, and as much as I hated to agree to such a fate, I knew the God of the universe didn’t need my permission if that’s what He wanted to do, and it all became clear as I realized He also isn’t subject to my commands as my two friends had been led to believe.

When all of my fight was gone, I finally broke and told God if that’s what He required of me, I was willing.  Immediately the burden lifted and I knew God wasn’t going to put me in a wheelchair, He somehow made me know that all He needed from me was to be willing to let Him be God, whatever that meant. From that moment on my relationship with Him changed and although I haven’t always been faithful, obedient, or trustworthy, He’s never once broken His promise to never leave me or forsake me.

The Bible is what I base all of my opinions about God on. I believe He wrote every word of it and it’s stood the test of time. It tells us who we are, who He is and what He’s done for us. It tells us clearly who Jesus is, and why the only question God has for us is; “What have you done with My Son?”

I find it disturbing that so many people have nothing substantial to base their beliefs on but seem to just decide to embrace random theories that suit them. I would be very afraid if I didn’t know that I know that I know what I believe to be truth. Not my truth, but the God of all the universe, His truth. I also believe that anyone that seeks truth will find the One True God. After all He says; “You will find Me if You seek Me with your whole heart.” That’s a promise from God who cannot lie.

That all happened over 30 years ago, and what God showed me to be truth has stood the test of time. Over the years He hasn’t changed but I sure have. And my two friends, the last I heard, things weren’t turning out so well for either of them. One was very sick and the other getting a divorce. I guess the one they were serving didn’t have the same plans for them that they had for themselves.

This is my story. My challenge to anyone reading this; Seek the truth, and then know in your heart what you believe, not because I, a book (other than the Bible of course) or anyone else says it is so, but because the God of all that is tells you; “This is THE ONE AND ONLY TRUTH!”

I had a dream

In my dream I was at church, not your usual church, you know where everyone dresses for the occassion, puts on their ‘I’m happy in Jesus’ smile, and usually leaves feeling as empty as they did coming in, only with a little additional guilt over believing that everyone else has it more together than they do. No, that’s the kind of church I spent 30 years in, but that’s not where I was in my dream.

In my dream I was at the Roadhouse Biker Church. The best description for this church is the scripture that says; “he who has been forgiven much, loves much” (loose translation).  I’ve never felt so accepted and loved anywhere else on earth than I do at Roadhouse Biker Church.  When we get together, everyone knows they are a sinner, and everyone knows they’ve been saved from hell.  We are grateful believers in Jesus Christ and we all know that but for the grace of God, there go I.  If anyone is judging us, we know it’s only because they haven’t gotten that message in their heart yet and we love ‘em and pray for ‘em until they do get it.

So in my dream I was at church, and there was a man there that night that caught my attention and then caught my heart.  It wasn’t his wheelchair, the questionable odors or his scraggly look that attracted me, I just knew I wanted to get to know him, and truth be told it was probably the caregiver in me that wanted to do something to help him.

Over time I learned that he had been born with a birth defect so he’d never known anything but life in a wheelchair.  His mother had been the only one to ever care for him, and she had told him his entire life that he was damaged goods and would never amount to anything.  He didn’t doubt that, after all he would never walk or run like other men.

It took everything I had not to tell him his mother was not his friend, but eventually he began to believe me when I told him he could do much more than he’d been told.  In time he was willing to trust me and we rented a two bedroom apartment together, handicap modified so he could learn to live on his own.  Our first purchase was a shower chair that he could wheel himself, he couldn’t remember his last shower or bath.  He slept in a bed for the first time since he was a child and his mother could lift him.  It wasn’t safe for him to transfer himself she had told him so he’d slept in his wheelchair.  We shopped for new clothes and ceremoniously burned the two sweatsuits he had lived in since being an adult.  A hairdresser styled his hair and it suited him very well.  When it came time to shop for shoes I had to hide my horror at finding out his toenails had not been trimmed in years and curled completely under his feet, his mother had said it wasn’t necessary when all he ever wore was socks.  We got him a home gym so he could maintain his upper body strenth for all the tasks that required it.  He learned to cook, clean and drive his specially equiped van that he could transfer himself in and out of.

Yes, I was quite proud, of him and of me.  Look what I had done!  He was now a functioning, healthy, happy adult with a life.

The first thought I had when I woke up was how odd it was that I had had a dream that made sense and was sequential instead of the usual dream of random events that only made sense when you were dreaming them.  It was such an unusual dream that I asked the Lord; “What does it mean?”

Throughout that day the Lord slowly revealed to me that I am the man in the wheelchair.  I can’t fix myself because I don’t even know what fixed looks like.  And He is the person in the dream that does know what’s possible and can show me how to live.

My whole life I’ve tried to fix myself without even knowing what fixed looks like.  How brilliant is that? 

At the Roadhouse Biker Church we have a group called Celebrate Recovery.  The first step to being healthy is to recognize and admit that you are powerless.  I am the man in the wheelchair, I am powerless to even know what a healthy life looks like, let alone fix one that’s totally out of whack! 

We all suffer from life’s hurts, habits and hang-ups. I’m praising God for Roadhouse Biker Church where I’m getting the support I need to let the Lord show me how glorious a life truly lived in Him can be!

People who need people

Wow! I can’t believe so much time has passed since my last post.   I guess that tells you how little is happening. Not to say that God isn’t doing anything, He never stops working, but sometimes the work happens in the hidden places. That’s what seems to be the plan for this season.

I wrote about the Celebrate Recovery group that meets at the Roadhouse Biker Church, we’ve been going for a few weeks now to their meetings and The Lord is showing both of us that if we give it a chance He may just be able to use this environment to answer some of our long time prayers. We both know we have unresolved hurts, habits and hangups to work on so we’re committing to staying here at least thru May.

We haven’t worked out the details yet, like where we’ll stay, how we’ll make this work or what life will look like while we’re here. We’re sure God has all that worked out, He just hasn’t shown us yet. So for now we’re content in our little shark, waiting on God and still enjoying the adventure.

We have a friend here that is preparing for some pretty intense medical treatments and we’re   thrilled that because we’ll be here we may be of some help to her. We’re also both very excited about where we’re standing in our relationship with God.  He’s working on our hearts every day and we find ourselves to be content and joy filled.

I do still look around every once in a while and realize I’m in Southern California, which after Florida is the last place I would choose to be, but when I realize this world is not my home, I’m just a passin thru, it doesn’t really matter where I am. After all, no matter where we find ourselves there’s always going to be people that need Jesus, and isn’t that the only thing that we should care about?

Feelin the pressure!

We haven’t posted anything for a few days and so I’m feeling the pressure of people breathing down my neck and yelling “what’s happening?”

The answer is simple, “I don’t know!”

We’re still stalled in Redlands. The parts came in and were installed, and only then did we find out, ooops, I guess that’s not what was wrong with it. So we still don’t have brakes, more parts have been ordered and we’re sure (uh huh) that this will fix the problem.  We’ve also developed some transmission issues and are in search of a transmission guru to walk us through that.

But it’s all in God’s hands and it’s all good, (Romans 8:28) We’re actually loving being here and have no complaints.

I’ve mentioned that we’re fellowshipping at the Roadhouse Biker Church and we can’t say enough good things about how loved and welcome they’ve made us feel. I am however a bit concerned that I keep having an overwhelming urge to purchase bandanas and I’m feeling unexplainably drawn to black leather.  But as drawn as I am to the fashion statement I haven’t started checking out Craigs List for motorcycles.

So we’re still stalled in Redlands, but all we can figure is this is exactly where God wants us, for now.