I’m not a fan!

​I’m so excited about this new year. This is the first year I’ve ever been able to say “I’m not a fan”, and the reason is very simple. I can hardly believe it took me 63 years of wandering on this earth to reach the end of my road, but it has. Last year when my life fell apart, yet again, I didn’t even try to pick up the pieces. I was done, I gave up, ollie ollie oxen free free free, cry monkey. Whatever term you want to use, that was me. Then the most amazing thing happened! God said; “Finally! I’ve been waiting for this.”
​
​Life has been so wonderful since May 17, 2012 (you can read why below in an earlier blog entry), and it just keeps getting better. Why, you may ask? Simple, because I’ve become a Follower of Christ.
​
​I’ve actually thought I was a Christian since 1971 when I first asked Jesus to be my Lord, but He’s now shown me that I’ve been a fan, not a follower for all these years. No wonder there was so much inconsistency in my life, so much confusion and disappointment. I continued to plug away, I am extremely stubborn and a very slow learner. But now I can sing those wonderful songs that declare such things as “I Surrender All” and “I Once Was Blind, But Now I See” and know it’s true.
​
​Many of you may be shaking your heads and saying to yourselves; “Seriously, she thought she was a Christian all this time?” Maybe to you it was obvious I wasn’t, but I honestly believed I was, even though much of the Bible didn’t make sense to me and I still had so many questions. I thought maybe things just weren’t supposed to make sense this side of heaven.
​
​But I’ve found out God loves me, He really does love me, and He WANTS to show me the plans He’s had for me since the creation of the Universe. He wants to have a relationship with me, He wants me to know Him and He wants me to understand how deeply and intimately He knows me. He wants me to read His Word and understand it, and I do, I really do, for the first time ever. Every time I pick it up now He shows me something about Himself, or me, that I never saw before.
​
​Relationship is so much different than religion. Religion has soooo many rules, most of which I always fell short of keeping. Relationship is all about love. He shows me every day He loves me and each day I love Him more. He tells me; “If you love Me, you will obey Me.” And I do, I really do want to obey anything He asks. It’s all become so simple really.
​
​Another lesson He teaches me is just what it means to follow Him. As simple as that sounds it’s amazing how many ways I’ve not let Him lead. He shows me every day new ways I can step aside and trust Him to direct my steps, thoughts, decisions and… well, you name it. I’ll share one with you so you’ll get an idea of what I’m talking about.
​
​Many years ago I heard the story of a man that was meeting a long-time friend for lunch. He was nervous because he was getting ready to launch a new ministry and his friend was very wealthy. He wanted to give the friend an opportunity to help financially, but he didn’t want it to look like that was the only value his friend had to him. While they were walking into the restaurant together his wealthy friend spotted a penny on the sidewalk. Stopping to pick it up, he looked at it, got a big smile on his face and put it in his pocket. This surprised the man because he knew his friend was extremely wealthy and yet he seemed to find such pleasure in finding a penny on the sidewalk.
​
​During lunch the man asked him; “What was up with the penny on the sidewalk, why did you stop and pick it up and look like you were so pleased with it?”
​
​His friend took the penny out of his pocket, handed it to the man and asked him; “What does it say?”
​
​The man looked at it and said; “It says; ‘In God We Trust.’ ”
​
​”That’s right” he replied; “A long time ago God challenged me, every time I see a penny, to pick it up and ask the question, was I trusting Him at the very moment I saw it? Today, the answer was yes!”
​
​I liked that story and so I’ve adopted the same practice. It’s been amazing to me through the years how many different and unexpected places God has found to place a penny for me to see. This morning, after spending a glorious time alone with Him I went to take a shower. When I looked down I giggled as I saw a penny tucked into the fold of the bath mat. I picked it up and said to myself; “Of course the answer is yes with this one.”
​
​Immediately God spoke to my heart and asked me; “Shouldn’t you ask Me for the answer to that question? From now on, ask Me when you find a penny, I’m the only One that knows your heart and I will always tell you the truth.”
​
​You see what I mean? I was pridefully thinking I could answer that question on my own. I realized yet another area of life that I had been leaning on my own understanding. I had answered yes when the true answer was no, because I wasn’t looking to the only One that is qualified to answer that question for the answer.
​
​I can’t wait to find the next penny God has waiting for me. Next time, I’ll ask Him; “Lord, am I?” And I know He will show me that I am, or show me why I’m not.
​
​See what I mean? It’s relationship. He’s teaching me a new way to think, a new way to see the world, prayer has become something that I don’t think I could live without, instead of an obligation. I’m excited about every day, to see what He’s going to show me next.
​
​This is a Most Excellent Adventure, being a Follower and not a Fan!